It was actually the parking lot of a campus-owned apartment complex, and it was a mid-winter’s night when I came across it in the sand-sprinkled, salt-covered snow. I stashed it away in my handy satchel, and told nary a soul about my find.

Come to think of it, I don’t think I thought about the spoon for a good while. After a time I found it again in that side pocket, washed it off, and put it amongst my things in my room. It wasn’t until I moved home from college, post-graduation, that I actually started using it.

Like with this Red Raspberry yogurt. Yum.

If I have a choice of what type of spoon to use for any given meal, I will lean towards the smaller kind. It’s mostly a preference, I would say. With a larger spoon, the dish is empty far too quickly; whereas with a smaller spoon, the delectable morsels in my bowl, plate, or cup last a considerable while longer. Yes, I do like using a soup spoon for those meals that consist of broth or stew, but on the whole I prefer smaller spoons.

What kind of spoon does the internet like? Tell me, and go eat some cereal with your weapon of choice.

Praise be to God, who established salvation through the saving work of Jesus’ death on the cross for my sin, and all of this by grace. My life is secure in his hands.

Although, I do have a hunch that it will still snow in extreme amounts soon enough.

With winter comes the Christmas season, and the advent of Jesus Christ to this earth to carry out the plan of rescue from our sin. I am eternally thankful; I have no other thing to rely on. Christ is my only alibi when it comes to standing before God and giving an account for my entire life. And Christ’s righteousness was given to me, freely and with all-consuming love.

That’s the God I now serve, and remember this month of December.

- C.S. Lewis

To be honest, I’ve been preoccupied with completing my analog journal, filling the pages to get to the end so I can start my new journal, which is one of a moleskine style and looks really awesome to use. Only three more pages to fill, and then bam! I’m in business.

It is strange to think that I would want to fill books with words about my life and no one (perhaps my children, at best) will ever read. Maybe that’s what blogs are about too, only random strangers get to read things and old posts get spammed by fake accounts.

Let me tell you about my birthday.

It fell on a Monday, so I celebrated with my family on Sunday evening, since we were all home then. It was the usual occasion: dinner of my choice (chicken enchiladas), cake (chocolate with chocolate frosting), and ice cream (double fudge chocolate flavor with chocolate chunks). After stuffing ourselves with goodness, my family gave me gifts. It’s pretty funny how everyone expects gifts on their birthdays; what made us deserve them, since we had no part in the birth process except showing up? But I digress. I received some wonderful presents from my family, and had good laughs with them.

All during the week leading up to my birthday my mind was stuck on an idea, and I followed through with it because it was such a fantastic thought, I wish that it was originally mine. I got the idea from my favorite author, J.R.R. Tolkien in the first part of The Lord of the Rings. Bilbo Baggins, an old an benevolent hobbit, turns 111 years old and throws a magnificent party. Almost everyone in The Shire, his homeland, is in attendance. At the entrance to the festivities, gifts were handed out for the guests. And later on, some of the more closer relations to Bilbo are invited back for more personal gifts in his home.

I took this idea and ran with it. On the Saturday before my birthday (and the day before my party), I went out and bought random gifts for my family. For each person I picked out something specific. Nothing very big, I’ll admit, but something that would mean something between us. I kept it hidden from my family, so that it would be a surprise to them. That night, before I went to bed, I spent several hours wrapping the gifts. I did not have any wrapping paper, so I used blank pieces of loose leaf paper torn out of one of my college notebooks. After creatively wrapping each gift (some I made little “boxes” out of the paper), I wrote a personal note to each of them, and I hid them away for later.

So after supper that Sunday night, I brought out my gifts for the family. They were truly surprised. There is something about giving a gift to someone that is truly special. I can hardly explain it. Perhaps it is, just maybe, moving towards what God did for us in Christ, does for us everyday with every good thing. But I love to give to people, it felt so awesome to do it on my birthday. It is truly better to give than receive.

For the readers who have read my page for the long-haul (and are probably saying, “It’s about time he’s posted again!”), or those who have just stumbled on it through mutual friends or interests, in what ways have you given to other people in these days, and what has been your experience with it? How did it feel, how was it received, who was it for? I covet your stories, because these days in which we live are a part of the Father’s creative tale of redemption.

For those who said “Too long; didn’t read,” thank you for agreeing to the terms and conditions. I will see you in a week to gather your kidneys.

Part of me just wants to get out and drive. Just leave the house and go somewhere else without stopping. I thrive in the night; that much is certain from the hours of my current employment (3-11 really does a number on one’s sleep schedule). Perhaps I’ll just sit on the floor and not do anything with my body. I have never actively done that as an activity before, so maybe that’ll be fun. Or maybe I could set myself down in front of the television and let my mind be dumbed down by the external stimulation of the media. Or else I could pick up one of my many books again, read on the stories that are so engaging. Or, or, or I could go to sleep; but what’s the fun in that?

Maybe I could go out and smoke. It’s been a while since I’ve had a good cigar. I received some a while ago as a gift, and haven’t opened them yet. Maybe. I’m not really in the mood for beer tonight, but I do enjoy a good brew from time to time. I could work on beating my newest video game purchase, or watch yet another movie in a trilogy of favorites. I could try to write a song, or record some more vocals, or record more guitar riffs and rhythms. I could look up practice EKG strips online and practice for -fun- work.

I keep forgetting that I have my USB mouse plugged in, and it overrides the trackpad usage.

I don’t deserve any of this. The warm (cool) house and the bed and the books and television and the music and the drinks and the smell of tobacco. I don’t deserve the internet and the video games and the food and blankets and clothes and USB microphones. I don’t deserve this body and the lungs and the heart and the mind and the muscles and the bones and the nerves and the senses within them all. I don’t deserve the love and the grace and compassion and generosity and strength and encouragement of this family that I was born into.

I don’t deserve the love and the grace and compassion and generosity and strength and encouragement of this God that I was made for. Everything that it is given me, I waste it like it’s cheap goods found in a flea market. I seek things for myself and think so little of the God who gave it all to me. I don’t deserve Jesus. But he gave himself up for me, taking away all that I deserved.

I deserved torture and punishment and abandonment and darkness. I deserved death and dismemberment and ashes and gnashing of teeth. I deserved silence and blindness and atrophy and pain. Jesus took all of that for me.

And on top of all that, he gave me what he had. Life. Righteousness before God. A passion for good deeds. Not only did he give me a clean restart, but he filled my new record with all of his accomplishments, assets, and perfections.

WHAT?! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?!

He loves me because he loved me.

tl;dr
At first I was trying to figure out what I should do tonight, and I sat down at my computer to think about it. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks how much I am loved by God in Jesus Christ. Wow. I don’t deserve anything but judgement, but Jesus took all of that for me, and made me right with God. And because he came back to life, I know that I will live with him forever in eternity. Amen.

In the months since leaving the college environment it has become apparent that life does continue on from here, and community is where you find yourself. For me, the community has conveniently come with the church body, which I’ve come to consider as family even after only a few months of being in attendance. Yes, I am still with my parents and siblings as far as living arrangements go, but the people of this church have been growing closer. It is good, because my life has a deeper sense of purpose through the gospel in this church, and it makes work much more do-able when you can use some of your income for the benefit of the brothers (and sisters).

The main area of interest is gaining more friends. There is a great deal of diversity when it comes to age within this church, with many being extremely young (0-5 years of age) and a good deal on the wizened side of life. With a good mix of the middle ground, it makes the life of the church thrive because of the equality of pouring and reception of encouragement and accountability. However, when it comes to my generation of the 20somethings, it’s hard to find them. Not to say that we don’t exist within the church, but I have found it difficult to connect when you don’t know where the people like you are.

By God’s grace I’ve been able to find a few people my age, and have been cultivating friendships with them. It’s a stretching thing for me, because of my quiet nature. I’ve tended to be somewhat timid in the past when it comes to meeting new people, and it’s something I’ve been working on. But it is still hard, stepping out of a definite comfort zone of introversion to connect with people who are of like age. Those are steps I really want to take, and I’ve enjoyed it thus far; there are some great people here.

I guess the “real world” ain’t so bad. Come on, college people; join us and continue growing. It’s fun.